2/3/16

Creep . . .

So I'm on a business trip (DC suburbs - it is always great to get back) and I, as I'm want to do, have been taking advantage of the fantastic in-room and in-lobby gym AND complimentary laundering of gym clothes at the EVEN Hotels Rockville and doing a little sweating in the AM.

It is very nice to get down there early in the AM and have a little space to (typically) to myself. But yesterday morning was . . . wellllll . . . different.

I walked in the gym at about 6:15 and I was on the treadmill (walking warm-up) and I heard the door open and saw someone come in over my shoulder. No worries. "Free country", right? Right.

So I continue to walk and I notice that the person who came in is a woman. No worries. I'm perfectly comfortable with women around.

She sets herself up on a weight bench and she - well - doesn't do much else. She's just sorta sitting there. Again - free country, right? Right.

I get my mile in (fun fact - I can walk a mile at about the same pace as I "run" three or more miles) and I head off the treadmill and make my way for one of the aforementioned weight benches. She's still sitting there. Just. Sitting. There. Free country . . .

THEN I notice something odd. She's sorta watching me (free country (is this getting old?)) so I flash her the patented Sean Amore "hey now/how YOU doin'" smile and grunt a "Hello." And she does the most absurd thing I've maybe ever seen/heard a woman say to a man (not to be sexist) and, frankly, even a man say to a woman NOT in an "adult film" on VHS in the 80s. She went full "creep".



This woman, festooned in spandex and, I might say, rather attractive (in the way I find women attractive - which is "generally"/"almost always" (I'm kidding - I've been violated and am acting out)) is apparently feeling her proverbial oats in a hotel gym at 6:15 AM ET and she looks me dead in my windows to the soul and says (with eerie calm):

"I love a man who uses and moves his body while staying in a hotel." 

Then she looks at me and honest-to-it (speaking of 80s porn cheese) LICKS HER LIPS in a circular fashion and pops a cheek bone: