12/8/15

Overwhelmed . . .

I can always tell when I'm stressed out and feeling overwhelmed by stuff. 

Not because I'm self-aware (I'm not) nor because I can see how it is impacting other people (I am not aware of others either) nor because people are giving me that look of concern/frustration/anger that tells me retreat (I am, for the record, aware of - but not moved by - those looks). 

Most of us/you/better people would be aware of the thought of getting entirely overwhelmed (particularly by self-induced worry and angst) and they would do something about it. They'd ask for some help or grab on to sturdy object or at least let some of it go and manage the impact. But, um, no. I'm not one of you fully adjusted people that I so admire. These things are not options nor do they seem to even allow me to contextualize.

Nope. The only thing that ever makes me realize I'm completely overwhelmed is when I catch myself saying things that make very, very little sense and going "Eh. You're losing it, suhn." and yet the only way I manage my entire-self-induced-not-really-stressful-stress is by saying things that, well, make very, very little sense. I'm there, dear friends. I'm there . . . some examples of my absurdity (presented without context):
  1. "If you don't figure this math problem out in three minutes I'm going to de-pair every sock you own and make you go shoe-less."
  2. "It is there when it should be here and here is not there for it anyway."
  3. "I am not a sexist, little girl."
  4. "I HAVE TO buy this book now to make sure that our 'Amazon Family' account is working."
  5. "I'm thinking about going back and having breakfast now (at 2 PM) in hopes that I'll get my nine hours of the day back after."
  6. "I think Donald Trump has a valid point when he suggests . . ."
  7. "If Hanukkah is the 'Jewish Christmas' than Christmas is the 'Christian LagBaOmer' and that is clearly not the case anyway so what are we really talking about?"
  8. "I've got enough time I just don't have enough time."
  9. "I'd love to help you out with that initiative."
  10. "Blue. Orange. Maybe purple. But not brown or grey. Silver, maybe? White. Let's consider yellow - a light, buttery yellow. You know what? Grey."
  11. (said with a gesture versus words) "Please, ma'am - cross over two lanes of Rock Road traffic at 5:23 PM so you can get to Panera Bread - I'm in no hurry to get to my daughter's school by 5:30."
  12. "I don't know."
So - yeah - keep throwing me those side-eyed glares. I'll eventually pick up what you're putting down. Maybe. Ideally.