Fashion Sneakers . . .

Yours for just $350 US.
One of the great mysteries in the world, for me, is the lack of interest in developing alternative fuels like winds, sun, and water. Another one? How "donkey dick" is not universally accepted as the funniest insult ever uttered. A final one? Fashion sneakers.

What are fashion sneakers? They are sneakers that are, well, intended for fashion . . . as in HIGH FASHION. I've been looking (and looking, and looking, and looking) for a good pair of training sneakers that don't cost a fortune, that don't look like they are made for space exploration, and that don't look like they will fail me on my first stride. And it is HARD to find those three things mainly because of, well, FASHION SNEAKERS.

Fashion sneakers look, sorta, like regular sneakers but they are made from suede, cashmere, and the tears of babies. They cost anywhere from $19 to $4,800 (retail - forget the collector-driven market) and they are, as far as I can tell, ONLY made to be bought and adored. You can't run, jump, or haul trash in them. You can't do anything with them without worrying about spillage or scuffing.

I get why people love them - some of them are really beautiful and some of them are really fun but none of them  are helping me find the right training sneaker and none of them are making me understand how anyone wears anything but penny loafers on any given day. Keep it simple, folks. Or at least keep it real.