10/6/15

Death . . .


Fifteen things I don't want to die from . . .

  1. Discovering a Food Allergy Two Minutes Too Late
  2. Testicular Trauma
  3. Rap Feud 
  4. By "Holding My Breath" Despite Thousands of Cliche Urgings Not To
  5. Malaria 
  6. A Frozen Bowel Movement Dropped from a Jet Passing Overhead
  7. Choking on a Chicken Bone
  8. Boredom
  9. Too Much Time in a Hot Tub
  10. Being Run Over After Being Tied to Train Tracks by a Villain with a Bad Moustache
  11. Fist Fight with a Middle School Bully (While My Current Age/Life Position)
  12. Over Indulgence While Touring a Magical Chocolate Factory
  13. Sobbing to Death While Watching an Early-00s Rom-Com 
  14. While Running Down the Middle of Central Avenue at 5:30 AM CT
  15. Getting Lost in a Corn Maze

There are millions of other things I also do NOT want to die from but those are top of mind.