3/19/15

Social Norms . . .

You know how everyone has like a secret "agenda" or things they would like to see in the world? Like you know those women who own multiple cats and think that someday a man who goes by Prince Charming will arrive or a man who is a serial cheater who believes that "this time" he'll be faithful . . . like that. So everyone has something (and many of us have a few dozen things on their "If I Ruled the World List"). 

Well here, ladies and gentlemen, is mine . . . a revision to the rules of public displays of affection. And I would, if I am being honest, change the entire construct. 

Here's how it would go . . . 

1) You can hold hands all you want. Literally. With parents. With kids (as appropriate - I feel like my daughter and I will stop holding hands in public as soon as she gets her menses). With early love. With late-in-life love. Just hold hands.

2) Hugging can happen for ten seconds or less unless one or both people are crying, at which point, you can hug as long as it takes for the first person to cease and desist said tears.

3) Kissing is okay as a polite sign of affection. NO "making out". NO tongue. NO really "going for it" but a quick peck or a celebratory smooch . . . perfect.

4) Now here is where it gets really progressive - cupping will be fine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it. Now . . . granted . . . there are going to be some general "ground rules". a) You have to be seated with the tokens of your affection at least partial obscured. b) Ideally this would be in the dark (a theater, under a table, in the back of a cab, etc.). c) You can't go any farther (further?) than the hand cuddle. d) There can be no actual stimulation and/or release of anything above the "boys" e) Everyone has to be at least 18.

There. I said it. I want to change the rules of public displays of affection. For the betterment of ALL of us.