Most of it was junk . . . old press releases, log-ins for accounts no-longer used, directions on how to do my job effectively (I'm kidding, 10% of that document was super useful), some take out menus, some plastic silverware, three packets of soy sauce, some old industry publications, a stack of her business cards, etc. etc. etc.
There, among the stuff that I just sort of looked at then junked was a box labeled "Oriental Trading Company". Now - as racist as the name might imply I think (but have never been able to verify) that the company actually has a heart of gold and a love for all G-d's people. Why ELSE would they sell so many amazing party items at such low prices?
What was I talking about . . . oh yeah . . . the box. So I opened it - presuming it would be filled with some random crap that wasn't even from this emporium of delight.
What treat awaited me?! 24 little, tiny, two inch plastic trophies. Gold(ish) with black bases. And what else was in the box? No, not Gwenyth Paltrow's head (say it with me - in your best Brad Pitt - "What'ssssss in the boxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx?"!). A Gold-ink Sharpie (fine point, if you're keeping score at home).
So I did what any self-respecting, middle aged man would do. I started writing random crap on them and giving them away like so many undeserved prizes. What sort of honors did I pass around the office?
- "Loser of Keys and Life Status"
- "Happy Maker"
- "Debits and Credits Keeper" (They LOVE me in accounting!)
- "Not As Hot As My Mom"
So I had to sort of put this in context . . . and realize that I say "You are my favorite." about 100 times/day. To family, friends, lovers, colleagues, strangers, vendors, the guy that hands me something, the person that holds the door, the bird that poops on the car NEXT to mine, etc. I just like to tell people they are my "favorite".
So act right, be present, and hold on to those plastic trophies. They aren't a dime a dozen, but they are $8/dozen (which is cheap enough to not even slow me down).