10/27/14

You Smell Purrrrdy . . .

Can I get all "middle-aged pervert" with you for a minute? Sure I can. You're not even within arm's reach . . . no need to fear it.

Let me say something highly inappropriate . . . I'm not going to do it. Turn back now!

You're still here? You can take it? Here it goes . . . 

I love how women smell. 

No matter what they smell of or like. I think women's eternal is extended through the air in a code only deciphered through the nose. Smell, I am told, is the ONLY sense that is routed through a different portion of the brain (from the other four) so you form connections to and memories of smell faster than other senses. Smell. Is. Special.

Why else would the perfume industry be worth billions a year and so automatic that countless celebrities, barely "talented" enough for whatever it is that makes the famous to begin with make the first extension of their "brand" a scent or two . . . where female fans or devotees, who have (statistically) never been in the presence of their idol to know their aroma think they might smell "like" them for just $80 a bottle (and, seriously, if you wear a Kardshian scent let me know - I want to get you out of my life). 

Let's get a few things about a woman's smell straight . . . it ain't always pretty. Women, like their lesser counterparts in Eden, can put the funk out. It is just part of life and that is okay because it is far more rare and far less horrifying than the man-borne equivalent even when it catches a breeze. 

Why are women more and better smelling? Their lives (and the products that govern their hygiene regiments) are just more perfumed and in better ways. A casual search of the Bath & Body Works website found 13 scents "for men" and 44 "for women" (either stated or implied by not being "for men") . . . there are more "fall" scents than "men's" scents on the site. Women are forced to smell like Tahitian Mornings - men like moss-covered wood. Which one seems better to you? Look at the shampoo aisle. Check out the deodorant options. Give the lotion selection a perusal. Note the feminine hygiene products with built in aromas. Ladies can't (easily) get away from smelling like some chemicals . . . often MANY of them (my OCD brain and super sensitive skin are too conflicted to use more than one scent "family" in the morning - currently citrus). 

Scents hang differently on every person and "perfume" and "cologne" are just terms to differentiate in marketing. Oils and alcohol-spritzes are gender-neutral. I hate to burst your bubble, fellas, but you COULD wear "Warm Vanilla Sugar" lotion if you wanted to, fellas. I get more compliments about my "cologne" on the mornings I accidentally roll on my daughter's perfume than when I hit my pulse points with my own roller ball (which is also, technically, a perfume) which is a distant consolation prize from the smell I used to love and be loved in (I truly miss Sapera and all your Cirmes stuff, Andrew Fuller.). 

So WHY do women smell "better" than men? I. Don't. Know. They just do. And for THAT, we thank you.