- A rock hit and cracked my windshield a mile or so before the airport so I have that waiting for me when I get back.
- I landed in Dallas to find a text message from my brother asking me to call ASAP with "bad news" waiting for me - it seems my father (in all his infinite wisdom) decided to carry ALL the luggage from a nearly two-week excursion to Maryland and Pennsylvania up the stairs and FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. A broken rib, severely swollen right arm, wrist, and hand, a "brain bleed", an open wound on the back of the head, a loss of consciousness, 911-call, ambulance ride, CT scan (no, it is not spelled "cat"), and a night in the ICU later . . . he's fine. Or will be. In theory. This time.
- I got stuck in a row with the 20-something girl that looks too young to afford her Ugg boots, "Pink" sweatpants, D&G hoodie, horribly dried out and unhealthy looking hair extensions, Louis Vuitton carry-on bag (which was in my seat and she was not happy to move it to the . . . floor) and iPhone with debazzled case AND her nearly-identically dressed mother who only varied in appearance thanks to a set of massive, fake . . . you know . . . and some Botox up top. Bonus? The two of them used the cursed WiFi on the plane to shop for earrings the entire 98 minutes we were on the plane together (for a 45 minute flight).
- I got in a cab that assured me he knew how to get to the massive hotel/resort compound I will spend the week (I'm not telling you WHERE I am, stalkers (seriously though, come visit . . . this place is amazing)) took me to the WRONG (insert name of hotel brand here). So THEN we used my future phone to find the right place.
- The cabbie turned out to be a very cool fella and he sold me some seriously amazing incense (that's not even code for drugs - he really sold me incense) as we arrived at this place that seems like something out of an ambitious run at Disney World.
- I got here a full hour later than expected. Tired. Stressed. Worried about my pops. I just wanted something Pesach friendly (and a HAPPY PASSOVER all (while I'm on the subject)) to nosh on. Alas . . . restaurants were closed. Bar was closing (and had no food anyway). Room service had already shut down. Things looked grim for our stressed, food-addicted hero UNTIL, at check-in, he was calm, cool, polite and (genuinely) apathetic when told they didn't have any king size beds/rooms available for me . . . him. I simply said "Man . . . what a night. I just want a banana or two and some iced skim milk."
Sooth My Mind . . .
So I traveled for work last evening (and this will likely be my last blog post for the week accordingly) and it was a night full of mis-adventure . . .
Five minutes later . . . BAM!
THANK YOU kind, king sir at the front desk, the folks that took care of my father and mother tonight and the mother in the window seat for those amazingly horrifying cans you bought at some "everything must go" cosmetic surgery flea market. Blek.