4/1/14

Play Ball . . .

I have decided my life is not ruled by quite enough absurdity. I took a quick gauge check this morning and realized that I'm actually only at about 87% absurdity. That is THIRTEEN percent I could pick up . . . so here it is. I, Sean C. Amore, of questionable mental and debatable physical health am becoming a SPORTS FAN.

Not just any sport - the American Pastime. Baseball. That sweet, sweet game that is so very, very important to at least 4% of our nation's population and some pockets of people around the world.

Why? Why NOT! It. Is. Baseball. Nine innings. 162 games/team/year (which means any one contest is worth just over .5% of the season's outcome). 30 teams (I think). 2 Divisions. And ONLY 16 of them (more than half) make the playoffs. That is MY SORTA sport. Major League Baseball is the YMCA youth soccer league of adult sports. Everyone gets a trophy and an orange wedge on the way to the car.

April Fool's Day joke? No chance. I'm going to pretend to "come out" later today (far more believable, I might add). You think I'm being sarcastic? You know me not. I am ALL IN for baseball in 2014.

Do I have a team? Heck yes. When I was a kid I would blindly cheer for the Chicago Cubs (we got WGN in Upstate) and I thought they were the cat's figurative meow. Now I'm an adult and I need another lovable lot of fellas that probably won't amount to a hill of beans again this year so . . . without additional delay . . . I am a Kansas City Royals fan!

Oh, yes. I am. I bought a hat online yesterday (say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!) and I'm already scouting out three or four home games I can attend (because, let's be honest - it is TOO HOT in July and August to hang outside for three and a half hours). Why go in person? SNACKS! Baseball stadium food is scrum-didily-umptous and I know from scrum-didily-umptous.

So here it is. Day two of the season. "We" (oh - I should clarify here - I'm going to be THAT FAN that says "we" all season) may have lost the season opener to the Tigers of Deeeee-troit but they are likely going back to the World Series this year so that just earns us street cred and makes us all the "hungrier" for Friday night's home opener against the White Sox of Cheeeeeeee-cago (I wish, so friggin' bad, that I could be there in person to cheer for the boys in white and blue).

I'm going to learn the names of the players. I'm going to learn the name of the manager. I'm going to care, passionately, about baseball. For at least the next 180 days because that is about how long it takes for a season of baseball to run its course.

Play ball, Royals. I'm your biggest fan! Totes seriously.