3/19/14

Turn Ons . . .

No. Crying doesn't do anything for me. Nor do blondes.
 But that wallpaper? Ohhhhhh yeah!
This is a blog post that has been percolating in my head for a very, very long time (probably five or six years - going all the way back to my old/former blog).

I have drafted it and thrown it away and even one night, high on Cheez-It Brand Snack Crackers and Diet Dr. Pepper, I even made the post live for one, glorious hour.

Anywho since I'm no longer married and since allllll you ladies clearly want a slice of The Sean (that's not a real thing) - the time has finally come for me to share with you the 40 things in this world that turn me on the most. In (sorta reverse) ORDER (the Blogger platform puts them 1 - 40 but know they are, in my heart, 40 - 1).

  1. The smell of cinnamon.
  2. The incredibly detailed written "sex scene" in Atonement (not - it was not rape - didn't you stick around for the WHOLE book (screw the movie . . . seriously)). 
  3. The taste of red wine on a woman's lips.
  4. Volvo Station Wagons
  5. Just about anything on this website
  6. Candor. 
  7. Laughter.
  8. Or anything on this website
  9. Ear play. The right one, specifically.
  10. People Tweeting about the weather. 
  11. Land's End clothing for women and the women that wear them. 
  12. ANYTHING composed by this man
  13. The fact that, by the year 2014, there is not a single age, gender, color, creed, status, income bracket, or disposition that is entirely above taking and sharing nude "selfies" (not sure WHY they do it but alllll the people do it).
  14. Kitten heels (the shoes - not the actual backs of the feet of baby cats).
  15. Washing dishes. 
  16. This
  17. Middle-aged women.
  18. This.
  19. And this
  20. Well scented women. Lotions, oils, perfumes, whatever . . . 
  21. Autumn leaves. Just not raking them. 
  22. Oral hygiene. 
  23. Running.
  24. Librarians but ONLY if they wear their hair up and have glasses on at the start of the scene and take their glasses off and let the bun down to reveal themselves to be stunningly beautiful by the end.
  25. 50 Shades of Grey (paint swatches, not those horrible books - what's wrong with you ladies?)
  26. The music of Jodeci. Specifically "Diary of a Mad Band".
  27. Soup. Seriously. Get in my belly. 
  28. The yarn store.
  29. This stuff in any color, hue, or level of shininess. 
  30. Glasses. 
  31. Penny loafers. Cordovan. Leather soles. Hand-stitched uppers. Yeah. Is it getting warm in here
  32. Patterned textiles and papers. 
  33. The Merkel Diamond
  34. Literacy. Nothing sexier than a well read woman.
  35. The Tea Store
  36. The teacher sex scene in Porky's Revenge/Porky's 3 but ONLY with the dubbing on the YouTube clip I just linked to.
  37. Well, I mean . . . (this one is so obvious
  38. Yiddish
  39. Scented candles. 
  40. Confidence. 

What gets your motor running?