12/11/13

Well SH*T . . .

So my car (aka Walter Sobchak) was likely totaled (UPDATE - They are fixing my car. I'll get him back on January 7th-ish) last night. No reason for the specifics beyond that I was alone in the car, I had my seat belt on, my hands at "10 and 2", and the woman who went medieval on my buttocks is fully responsible. I'm fine. The rest is all pops and buzzes.

This was, I'm sorta timid to say, the first serious car thing I've ever been part of. I once messed up my mother's minivan when I hit black ice on New Year's Day in Upstate and spun around a few times before backing down a steep hill then hitting a tree to stop my long, slow decline. I've had a few "little" things over the years but nothing that made me do the whole "slow motion" actualization and even slower motion watching the whole thing happen in disbelief. And yet - there it is/was . . . all three seconds that felt like three hours of it.

I'm pleased to say that my life did not flash before my eyes (just my evening plans) and I kept my wits about me and was able to actually process all the things that went through my head in the three seconds of hard-driving action I was victim to. Wanna hear about them? Sure you do - you're here, right?

  1. I really don't like the flavor of gum I bought the other day but it is still in my cup holder. If I die the people that exhume my body are going to think I enjoy it. I do not. 
  2. At least I'm listening to KMUW. I'll die smarter than average.
  3. I don't know if I'm a kind enough person. I should be more kind. I'm not going to yell at this other driver for screwing up my entire week in these three seconds. (I honored this thought moments later.)
  4. My daughter is not with me. That is good. This person is going to hit somewhere around where she sits. I love my kid. She's really my favorite person in this world. I'm glad she is not with me right now.
  5. This is going to be a total headache to deal with.
  6. I have not kissed nearly enough women (or had nearly enough kisses with the same wom(a/e)n) in this life. I should start giving that advice to people whenever I am put on the spot. Yeah. No more "wooden nickle" advice and, instead, more kissing advice instead. I get creepier by the day.
  7. I really love this friggin' car. I don't want to be without it for even a day or two.
  8. I'm going to miss the Wichita Symphony Orchestra tonight and this is my favorite concert of the year. And part of one of my kiddo's Hanukkah gifts. Ugh. 
  9. I eat a banana every day. I am a good enough person. I am going to be just fine and my car is going to be just fine. I'll eat another banana in the morning. This is all just. plain. fine.
  10. My underpants were clean this morning. How many hours can you wear them before your mother's advice to always have a fresh pair on in case of a car accident becomes relevant?
The underpants were not relevant, number nine is the key, and number six is now on the top of my list of things to fix before being on the receiving end of my next t-boning (NOT a euphemism) at Bradley Fair.

Seriously, though, all is well. Life is good. Love who you love - hope they love you back. And do more woman kissing (as appropriate).