Types of Love . . .

I've been doing some work lately (and by doing some work I mean trying to wrap my little, tiny brain around) the notion of "love" - not for any other reason than because I think it is so super, duper subjective that to try and even try to pretend that it is not is sorta' cute. So here - for the other nearly nine billion of you that don't have my thoughts in your head - here is the DEFINITIVE categorization of love. You're welcome. Well, not all of you . . . some of you owe me one now.

Pizza Love - This is the sorta' love you had in second grade when you confessed you "loved" pizza and your friends would chide you that you should go ahead and marry it . . . and you got disgusted at the mere notion. Let's presume that all human beings with average (emotional) intelligence and a heart open to love are probably in "pizza love" with a dozen things, places, people, and ideas at any given time. I am in pizza love with hummus, books, CheezIts, and my running shoes right now. It is simple infatuation. It is the love that excites us and makes our little hearts flutter. It is the "gateway" love.

Platonic Love - This is the love between familial bonds and the love shared by true friends. It is the love that allows you to feel warm and fuzzy about shared ideas, ambitions, thoughts, and goals. It is the sort of love that would make second grade truly special - if only pizza could return it. And that is the beauty of platonic love . . . it is reciprocal. It is easy. It is encouraging. It is everything a Boy Scout should be (except reverent - it doesn't have to be that at all).

Red Hot Monkey Love - This love is also known as "horny teenager" or "midlife crisis and your secretary" love. It is the "love" that is not love at all . . . it is lust. It is physical and pheremonal and, at best, the part of your brain that controls every emotion but actual affection, love, and appreciation. This is the sort of love you should avoid like the proverbial plague. It is NOT real. It is a temporary illusion and a momentary blip in between loneliness and an unwanted pregnancy and The Clap (caps to show respect). I'm not saying there is anything WRONG with this love (it has a time and place) but it needs to be kept "time and place" and something you move through.

Mature Love - This is the sort of love you can have only twenty years after you first fall in love with pizza in the second grade and long after the burns on the roof of your mouth from that slice of pizza just after college have healed. This the love of couples that have been through at least one or two significant storms and have maybe even lost their way in said storm(s) only to find themselves later. This is the love that your Grandparents will tell you about and because they lived through the Great Depression, a World War, several other wars, and so on . . . they will know.

Comfortable Love - The "holy grail" of love. It is the sort of love where you go to bed each night and wake up each morning knowing that the love you give is the love you receive and knowing that you can weather storms, burns on the roofs of mouths, and warm and fuzzies. It is the sort of love that you can't rush and can't build (it sort of happens) and you can't ever shake it once it sets in. Comfortable love, like pizza, is forever.