6/20/13

Gonads . . .

For your snacking needs - Dee's Nuts!
Welllllll - I asked for reader post suggestions and I got one. Just a word "gonads." Without further adieu . . .

If you think about how a baby developing in the womb, and a child going through the first change of life to become an "adult" (if only physically), and how the next baby to develop in the womb, you probably don't see anything in common there. But there is. There are two things (on average) for each one of those eventual humans/adults. Because, ultimately, we're told that we are "vital" when we have our gonads and they are operating at full-bore. Our essence is buried in them, right? It is "the plan" and everything. Right? Wrong.

I'm an adoptive parent. I have two properly running berries beneath the twig and my daughter's mother had two fully firing hen houses that spit out eggs but, by the time we were ready to become parents, we had a bit of a problem. Due to two horrible incidents, we didn't have any Fallopian tubes between us (trust me, I checked the pockets of every pair of pants and sports coat I owned as well as the glove compartments of both of our cars). So we opted for a child carried, questionably, in the belly of another woman who had all her bits and pieces and a lover that did too. But they were missing what we were - readiness to be parents in the moment our child was to be born. They gave us the greatest gift in the history of the world. It was easy for me to accept our beautiful child but, for my wife, it was a little guilt that came with her role as parent. But why? I'll never pretend to really understand it but she's an amazing mother and I'm glad she got over whatever weirdness she had.

More important than trying to figure it out from one person's perspective - let's look at the larger issue . . . The billions spent every year on fertility drugs, IVF treatments, surrogate parenting, adoption, and cats from the Humane Society (don't pretend like I can't lump all these things together, Cat Ladies (I love you best!)). We're WIRED to believe we should be parents. That we NEED to be parents. That reproducing and caring and nurturing and loving are our MANDATE (none of this is true). Why else would we all be given the basic building blocks (working or not) to become parents? Why else would we long for the smell of a newborn? And why do we never long for the smell of a toddler? I have a few friends that have vowed they will never be parents - I once did, too. I don't know if they will have a change of heart (like I did) or not or if they should (I was right to) or not. I will say I see/hear of people all the time that I don't think should be parents. But that's not up to me. Nope. The building blocks are in all of us. But WHY?

We can't all play golf at a competitive level. Few of us can bake and frost cakes that actually look like superheroes scaling buildings. Maybe 10% of us can really pull of "skinny jeans" (0% should, by the way). There is no clothing, religion, food, beverage, musical act, film from the Rocky franchise, or even scent of Axe Body Spray that the entire WORLD can/will/should agree on (and if you're over the age of 17 and using Axe Body Spray . . . (deep exhale)). Yet we can all (technically) reproduce (you've heard my long, boring, angry rants about how making a fetus and being a parent are not in ANY way the same thing and should never be equated to each other so we'll let that lie) ALL thanks to the magical things in our bodies we call gonads.