4/2/13

Fragile Tetris . . .

Every now and again I try to commit a mitzvah and help someone out with something. Ideally it is something that brings me no real gain other than to work of a little of the negative, negative karma being me builds.

Yesterday we mitzvahed. LOTS. And it was the best sort of mitzvah because it was FUN.

To clarify, a few friends of mine are about to pack up alllll their stuff and take it alllll the way back to New England and my black, deadened, diseased heart is not happy about IT but I am happy for THEM and that is all that really matters. ESPECIALLY since I get a chance to do something I truly love to do . . . pack, organize, move, push, pull, lift, strain, pass gas in front of women with something to blame other than my gross nature, and - in a rare moment - make the PERFECT moving box Tetris stack taller than my own head knowing the weight load and box size are perfectly stacked and knowing the movers even have the load counter-stacked so that it is stacked the RIGHT way on the truck.

Sure, sure, sure . . . blogging and bragging negates the whole purpose of a mitzvah but I'm not even pretending there was kindness in the evening I spent. Nope. This was selfish, selfish fun that even included:


  • Visits to four thrift stores that netted horror and dismay over the way used blankets are priced, a gold spray painted ceramic owl, a ceramic collie/terrier blend, and my very first tallit and some of the best people watching I've had in a long, long time
  • A trip to Sam's Club that gained us a box of bubble wrap, a super sized box of CheezIts and some hot dogs for the ladies (I don't eat the pork anymore and the buns were off limits until Pesach ended at sundown) and some of the most compromising photos in the history of women trying out demo mattresses in a bulk-discount store
  • A trip to Colwich, Kansas that even featured a drive up a muddy dirt road in an amazingly nice car (named Muffy, no less) to be greeted by a dog named "Brownie"that had the saggiest teets and the most distended vagina I've ever seen on a domesticated animal who "guarded" (in her old, semi-blind way) a home with the world's 19th largest rosary actually NAILED to the living room wall
  • The end to my leavened-bread-fast courtest of a James Johnathan's (aka Jimmy John's) sandwich and a big ol' fountain drink
  • A few hours of furniture and box moving that made me break a sweat, wind, and the East Wichita Box Stacking Record
  • Four episodes of Family Ties and two episodes of Grey's Anatomy 
I guess the moral of this story is that if you have to help a few friends get ready to leave you forever, and ever, and ever (For. Ever.), you might as well have some fun in the process. And maybe stack some boxes like a BOSS! That is an unofficial commandment.