Well . . . as it has been six months common sense might indicate it is time for the SPRING half of the semi-annual "pledge drive" and I wanted to come back and raise the stakes and see if I could help again so . . . without further build up . . . I give you . . . Are you ready? . . . I hope you are. . . . Ready? . . . Wait for it . . . wait for it . . . DonaSean (pronounced like "donation" but with the Sean vs. Shun at the end.) Brilliant right? HIRE ME if you think so. Seriously. For real. Totes (Are we still saying "totes"? Even for irony?) not kidding.
Simple set of rules again this drive . . .
- You can donate to KMUW anytime between now and Friday, April 19, 2013 to participate in #DonaSean.
- You can donate by going to KMUW's website (www.KMUW.org), calling (316) 978-6700 (starting at 6:15 AM on Thursday, 4/11 and between 6 AM and 6 PM daily through the end of the drive), or stopping by the KMUW-FM offices (3317 E. 17th Street, Wichita, KS 67208 (just east of Hillside on 17th and across from the WSU campus)) during business hours between now and end of day Wednesday or between 6 AM and 6 PM daily throughout the drive.
- You must TWEET at @SeanCAmore with the hashtag #DonaSean, comment on this post, or e-mail me (seancamore-at-gmail-dot-com) with the dollar amount you are donating for your donation to count.
- You MUST actually DONATE the money (not "pledge" - I pledge to get skinny, do a handful of mitzvahs, and swear no longer each day . . . how's that working out?) and your fulfilled donation must be verifiable with KMUW-FM staff (I'll take care of that part . . . you just give).
- You can not be PROMPTED by any third party to give/participate. I must "know" you (or at least of you) and it must be my own efforts (or trickle down) that gets you involved.
- You must provide me the information for fulfillment within one week of the close of the drive (I'll admit I feel short on some Seandraising stuff in the fall but I was in the throws of my divorce and a little overwhelmed . . . it won't happen again, promise).
- Enjoy the fact that your contribution to KMUW-FM is the right thing to do for ALL of us. And chide the cheap bastards in your "circle" that listen but do NOT give.
$1,000 - I'll go ANOTHER six months without a single mention of boobs (or euphemism) or silly pet names of any women on Twitter. Many of you claim this is "sexism" and should be avoided anyway. Agree to disagree?
$1,500 - We'll find a time to get together and we'll put out a few thousand Crayolas and some coloring pages and some blank construction paper and maybe a few other colored wax-ready surfaces and we'll have a little coloring party complete with some snacks and a KMUW magnet to hang your artwork on the fridge.
$2,000 - I'll add all of you to my Facebook network (currently a very exclusive club of KMUW-FM staff, volunteers, donors, and the various randoms from the corners of my life) and I'll resist making fun of any/everything you say and post . . . except YOU, Katie Grover!
$2,500 - I'll not make fun of Katie Grover for the next six months. Publicly or privately. Okay . . . fine . . . I'll stop doing it PUBLICLY.
$3,000 - Everyone who participates will be invited to a very exclusive CD-release party (artist and album TBD) with KMUW's own Jedd Beaudoin (he doesn't know this yet but he's a very agreeable guy) and Wichita's hottest morning show hosts - Zippy Dip and Noodle (you don't know who these guys are YET . . . but you will).
$3,500 - I'll break in to KMUW's offices after hours (Mission Impossible style . . . but not as dramatic on a one-story building, clearly) and get a box of coffee mugs and we'll all meet up under a bridge (spanning the Arkansas) on some warm spring evening and drink some cheap hooch out of said mugs and you can take the mugs home with you after (or we can just return them, unwashed (evil laughter)).
$4,000 - You will ALL be invited to our "Fast Five" marathon . . . one Saturday where we watch all five of the "Fast" franchise. You're thinking that sounds horrible. You're wondering WHO might EVER want to do that? You are sure that you would never clear out a Saturday for these films. In response . . . you're wrong, us, yes you would - and never regret it. Snacks and beverages will be provided. BONUS - I'll do my best to get Jim Erickson to not only ATTEND but to REVIEW each movie as we go.
$4,500 - I'll mow the lawn, one time each, of every person that participates (you provide the mower) sometime in the HEAT of the summer. This is a true sacrifice as there are few things I hate more than a) the outdoors b) mowing c) summer d) mowing outdoors in the summer.
$5,000 - I'll buy every song Beyonce has ever recorded (including the EARLY Destiny's Child stuff) and I'll listen to all of it and I'll find the silver linings and I'll praise the talent that is . . . just give the money and I'll finish the statement.
$5,500 - For the next six months I'll answer "good" to every time I'm asked how I'm "doing" or "feeling" or whatever else you SHOULD respond to with "well" or I'll do it as OFTEN as possible and I'll certainly stop correcting people or visibly cringing when they say "good."
$6,000 - I'll set all of you (that are single) up on a date with a legitimate match for you and promise you a mutual good time (I mean you'll enjoy each other - I can't promise a "goooood time") and I'll try to match you couples with another couple for a lovely evening out. I'm a Yente/Shidduch in my free time. Trust me.
$6,500 - I'll fix alllllll your LinkedIn profiles. And this is a needed thing because MOST of your pages are weak sauce with a side of poorly executed. We'll get you SEOed and properly set up for happiness and joy.
$7,000 - We'll all get together at one of those "paint your own pottery" places and we'll laugh and paint/glaze and I'll pick up the tab (within reason) for your pottery piece and for some pieces of pizza after. We'll have Jedd pick out some music for us to enjoy while painting/glazing, too. I'm telling ya' - he's a GOOD EGG!
$7,500 - (Just 2.5% of the station's fundraising goal . . . for context) You all pick (majority wins) between The Hunger Games, the Twilight series, 50 Shades of Gray, The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings books, and the Harry Potter series and I'll read every page in the chosen set and blog about each book in the series with an earnest and heartfelt review that focuses on the positive.
Give early - give often . . . and don't forget . . . #DonaSean! THANK YOU!!! (The triple ! means I'm really, really excited and abusive of good punctuation.)
DISCLAIMER: I give JUST enough to get my mug coffee mug each drive and to feel like I'm at least helping a little bit (this drive I donated just under 0.0333% of the total goal, for context).
DISCLAIMER 2: I had originally said that if I got a $15,000 donation, I'd get a tattoo. Then I realized that if I do that, I'll likely not be buried in a Jewish cemetery and my love of KMUW is only of this life . . . not of eternity.