1/20/13

Fast, Furious, Fantastic . . .

A lot has changed in my life in the past decade. I've moved, four times, I've met, fallen in love with, courted, betrothed, married, and divorced a woman, become a father, and I've seen TWO sets of front teeth poke through that kids gums. We've had two Presidents (four terms, as of tomorrow). Technically I could clump the fall of the World Trade Center in to this ramble but that's not very respectful as I'm going to wrap this up saying ONE thing has stayed constant - Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto - or "Dom" as his friends call him.

Dom and his gang of rough, tough, street racing, car stealing, money motivated (and stealing), hard drinking, hard loving, hard punching, always on the run yet very attractive friends and family (you should SEE his fictional sister) have given me FIVE strong movies (yes, Vin Diesel was IN Tokyo Drift and while it was my least favorite of the franchise, I stand PROUDLY behind it (and still want to try it with my car)) of utter madness and insanely impossible happenings. And for THAT - I love them all.

Now I know what you're wondering - how did YOU, Barry and Levon, get $240 worth of pudding - and I know you're also probably confused as to how I (master dismisser of ALL franchise films and open loather of just about every piece of pop culture that the masses have embraced despite dismissing Vin Diesel and his REAL impact on our society and general car knowledge) could possibly enjoy these films despite my clear lack of any knowledge of cars, speed, or the cultures connected to them - simple. They. Are. Awesome.

Consider the trailers of each film . . .

The Fast and the Furious (2001)



2 Fast, 2 Furious (2003)



The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)



Fast & Furious (2009)



Fast Five (2011)



I know, right? Yeah. I'm right. Here's the thing - they are not "good" movies. They have no redemptive value. You don't leave the theater more in touch with yourself or the world around you. No one is enlightened by them. No one saved or furthered or spurred to action. They don't have the greatest actors in the world (but let's all agree Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has some legit comedic chops under those muscles) and I don't know that anyone believes for a second any of the story lines or happenings are real but for two hours every few years (who am I kidding - I rarely go more than a month without watching one or more of the films from this franchise), we can all escape and be really angry at high, high speeds.

And here's the BEST part . . . next Sunday during some overhyped football game we'll see the TRAILER for FAST SIX (officially titled "The Fast and the Furious 6" but, come on)! And on Friday, May 23, 2013 (just 123 days from the moment I'm typing this I'll be in an IMAX theater watching the 11:00 AM showing on the day of its release to the general public). BAM!

You can keep your Spider Mans, your Hobbits/Lord of the Rings, your Avengers, Iron-Mans, and Before Dusk/Dawn/Midnights, your Sex and the Cities (ugh), and even your Sherlock Holmses (as much as I do enjoy those too) - I'll wait, patiently, 730 days between each of my Fast/Furious films until Vin Diesel and Paul Walker have nitro packs on their Rascal scooters and the "skirts" they chase are called "housecoats."