12/19/12

Sean's Top 10 "Heynow" Women of The Moment . . .

Another user-recommended post today (and I'll apologize here if anyone is offended. But I won't really mean it. And you should not really be offended.) . . . I was asked to list the women that make my blackened, dead heart go pitter-patter (different words were used but I softened the tone and intent for your reading pleasure). Here, at urging of at least one very strange reader, are my ten favorite ladies in world of women (that I think you'll all know - in reality there are lots of not-so-household-names that I prefer but that is another blog post altogether). Yes. I know some of these choices are creepy (who is on YOUR list?) and I also know (pain in heart) that I'll never meet or stand a chance with anyway. Let the lusting begin . . .

10) Melissa McCarthy
AGE - 42
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - Bridesmaids, Mike & Molly
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - Gilmore Girls
WHY I LURVE HER - She's super funny, very sweet in demeanor, and has eyes that you can actually bathe in. Not literally. Figuratively.
9) Christina Hendricks
AGE - 37
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - Mad Men
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - Mad Men (Let's be honest.)
WHY MY HEART LUSTS FOR HER - Not since the actual hour glass was conceived has the world known such physics-defying dimensions. And she's sexy. Sex. E.

8) Jennifer Coolidge
AGE - 50
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - American Pie OR the Christopher Guest movies (not a ton of audience overlap here, right?)
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - American Pie
WHY I THINK SHE'S LOVELY - Um. She IS. The "original" MILF. And still the champ.

7) Adele
AGE - 24
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - 21. And any time you turned on the radio in 2011 and early 2012.
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - 19. I was early on the bandwagon.
WHY SHE DESERVES MY CREEPY ADORATION - She's wayyyyy too young for me. I get that. I accept that. But she seems to have a maturity beyond her years and her voice sounds actual, liquid butter. If you've never seen her live concert DVD, watch it. You'll be smitten by the end. And perhaps in tears.


6) Debra Monk
AGE - 63
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - Statistically, you probably don't but you've seen her in a MILLION TV shows and in various roles, etc.
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - NYPD Blue
WHY I THINK SHE'S LOVELY - I'm not totally sure (she's probably an equally odd choice as Adele) but she is beautiful and always seems so kind and sweet. If I had to pin it, I THINK it is because she loved/married Sipowicz and helped him through his darkest phase on NYPD Blue. My heart will always perk up for strong women who can see the good in flawed men. Very attractive. Especially to us men with the good stuff hidden way, way inside.

5) Monica Bellucci
AGE - 48
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - You probably do not but you should. She was Persephone in The Matrix and she was Mary Magdalene in The Passion of Christ.
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - Malena
WHY I KNOW SHE'S BEAUTIFUL - An Italian woman needs only the credentials of being an Italian woman (duh) but Ms. Bellucci goes well beyond basic minimums. She's curvy in all the right ways and if you've never heard her speak Italian . . . oh . . . you're not living.

4) Meryl Streep
AGE - 63
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - She's Meryl friggin' Streep!
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - Sophie's Choice is the first movie I remember her in but I fell (hard) for her in The Bridges of Madison County
WHY SHE'S IN MY TOP FIVE - She's beautifully and brillitant, she's friends with Hillary Clinton (there you go, Jill), she's humble, and speaks with just enough affectation to keep it interesting. She's sort of sexy in a hard to adjectivize way too.

3) Susan Sarandon
AGE - 66
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - I don't know . . . Rocky Horror Picture Show or anyone of the other countless movies and/or political stands she has made
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - Bull Durham and White Palace
WHEN I BEGAN MY OBSESSION - Bull Durham. And White Palace. She may truly be more beautiful now than she was 10, 20, or 30 years ago (she reminded me of her allure in Arbitrage this fall) but there is something just . . . yeah. Yeah. Susan Sarandon. Yeah. Call me. Seriously. That kid you play ping pong with can't last forever.

2) Nigella Lawson
AGE - 52
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - Her cookbooks and/or Food Network or other TV appearances and shows
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - I don't know but she's just sorta' always been "there"
WHY I LOVE HER - Boobs. Curves. The fact that she can make pouring a glass of water sexy in the way she talks about it. The accent. The boobs. The curves. The fact that she can make pouring a glass of water sexy in the way she talks about it. And her boobs. And her curves . . . I don't care, Ward's Wife, about her ears (smile)!


1) Connie Britton
AGE - 45
WHERE YOU KNOW HER FROM - Probably Nashville. Maybe Friday Night Lights. American Horror Story (season 1)?
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM - The Brothers McMullen. Yes. The movie that "gave us" Sarah Maclachlan also "gave" us Connie Britton. Yet you're just getting to her now, 17 years later. What the HELL?!
WHY SHE TOPS MY LIST - While far less curvy and a a little less bossomy than my normal cup of tea, Constance Womack (as the trivia nuts and creeps-like-me among us will already know) is stunning.  Simply stunning. There's not enough time or space on the World Wide Web for me to really elaborate beyond that. But  . . . stunning. That sums it up. And, unlike in EVERY advertising/marketing use - it is appropriate.

If you did NOT make the Top 10, ladies. Fret not. You're number 11. Or 12. Okay - ONE of you is number 89 but you're ALL on the list and, trust me, I love you best.