2013 Resolutions . . .

As 2012 ticks to nothing but memory, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on the year that was and put things ahead to the year that might be. The following are my 13 resolutions for the coming year. Now - keep in mind - I do NOT make "resolutions " each year. I have made only a handful in my entire life. To "resolve" to do things is to imply we can change . . . and we can't (no offense, Linda). But we can try to improve on ourselves, right? Without further adieu here are a baker's dozen ways I'm going to enhance my behavior toward my best self . . .

  1. I will eat less CheezIts (and other things). I gained a shit load (that is an actual unit of measurement, I think) of weight in 2012. It was a stressful and frustrating year but I'm making excuses in saying that. I lost 300 pounds between 2007 and 2009. Time to get this creeping heft back off again. This will involve less food in and more movement out. I get that. I'm ready for that. The ladies like me leaner, right? Right. 
  2. I'm going to slowly remove myself from the Twitterverse. Not only because the word itself is super annoying but because I dumped Facebook last year and it is time to do the same with Twitter. I'm working on my real life - the digital version needs less attention.
  3. I'm going to get divorced. I've been in this grey area since late 2010. We told our families a year ago. It is time. We both - and the daughter we share - deserve better. Let's begin our own lives in this new year. The ladies like me single, right? Right. (And on this use, I shall retire the joke.)
  4. I'll roll my eyes no more than 10x/therapy session. My therapist is a dreadful, dreadful woman who has extensive credentials, my best interest at heart, and is being paid to challenge the way I think, talk, behave, and view the world. Time to start honoring those things and treat her with a little respect. But only if she gets some better magazines for the Gee-Dee waiting room. Cosmopolitan? Really? That helps self esteems everywhere, I'm sure. Dullardly woman with the horrible shoe collection!
  5. I'm going to "Go East" more often. I need more time with my family and I need to see my college and my DC friends. Time to get back parts of my life I've shed over the last decade. Mark my words - my PERSONAL travel will skyrocket this year.
  6. The words "penis" and "vagina" will no longer make me giggle. I've been alive nearly 37 years. The words were never actually funny. It is time to acknowledge that.
  7. I will stop saying "_______ makes me want to kill myself." or "If ________________, I will kill myself." or anything more of the sort. Much like the tween version of me that referred to everything/everyone as "retarded" - I just needed a little perspective to realize what a horrible, horrible "throw away" expression the above really is. Let's all stop. 
  8. I'm going to see more movies. I used to LOVE going to the ciniplex (?) for entire weekend days and seeing four or five movies in a row. I can get back to that and it FEELS like the need for Hollywood to simply continue, reboot, reimagine, prequel, and otherwise rehash old ideas is falling away. That and Fast Six is coming out in May, bitches!
  9. I will start directly confronting people who were berets in public for irony or genuine want versus just muttering about them from afar. This policy will exclude any/all military personnel.
  10. There will be progress made on my vision for a microhome community somewhere in the Wichita vicinity. We do not all love these 6000 square foot houses that look like every other one on the cul de sac and we don't all want to live in high rise apartments either. Energy and space efficiency should be something we welcome here in the heartland.
  11. I'm going to steal a work of art from a public/semi-private place (office building, government facility, Denice Bruce's home, etc.). And I will love it and display it in my home. And return it, eventually. Maybe.
  12. Host at least 12 game nights at the apartment. At LEAST. Time to finally shame Mary at Connect4. I think she cheats.
  13. Genuinely enjoy life, people, time, and opportunity more than I have in years. This is a perennial challenge and commitment. But this. Is. The. Year.  
There you go. My resolutions. I hope you make the most of New Year's Eve. Kiss someone you love (or call them and tell them as much). Do NOT drive if you've been drinking. Hit the ground running tomorrow and please, for the love of G-d, no FAD diets. Stay curvy, baby. We love you best that way!