11/8/12

If You Need Me, I'll Be In the Real World . . .

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to accept that he's losing touch. With that in mind - ahem (steps up to podium) "I, Sean C. Amore, am losing touch."

I don't mean to imply that I'm losing touch with the hip/in-crowd/youth (I whip my thinning hair to and fro just like like any other kid that's getting jiggy these days (you gotta' click on the links to see what I really did just there)). Quite the opposite. I'm still, emotionally, the same 12-year-old-boy I've always been (and hope to always be). Nope. I'm not losing any street cred. I'm losing touch of what is important and I might argue you are too.

WHAT do I blame? Nothing more than me. And you. And "us." I blame us for allowing technology to make our "relationships" too simple. We no longer "need" to "do" anything to communicate with all the people we "love" (let me know when these air-quotes get super annoying vs. a wee annoying). Nope. We now need do just ONE thing to stay on top of our entire world - log. on. to. Facebook.

It's true. Sadly. Every picture we take - FACEBOOK. Video we shoot - FACEBOOK. Lunch we eat - FACEBOOK. Birthday we celebrate - FACEBOOK. And it is not just the vanity that our every move is important. Nay. NAY! We can "tag" people in our every move. If I have lunch with you - FACEBOOK. If I'm in the background of that photo talking with someone - FACEBOOK. If you fill my hand with shaving cream and tickle my snoring nose - FACEBOOK. (And screw you for doing that to me anyway, asshat.)

Well - I have one thing to say - F*CK FACEBOOK.

I hate it. TRULY. I can't tell you how many times in the past few years I've heard about MAJOR life changes in my friends' lives that I'll inquire about and will be told "Well, I put it on Facebook." Sure. Sure. I could/should log on to Facebook every day and be "friends" with every jergov I've ever met. Why not!? We were in 1st grade together? Well then PLEASE tell me where you had lunch - TODAY - 30 years later! Grrrrrrr. Do I "need" you to call me or come see me in person? No. But what it be nice, just once, to get a birth announcement in the mail with a picture of your sweet-sweet bay-bay? YEP!

I digress. Again. Let me just say this. Do YOU a favor. Shut down your Facebook page for 30 days. Don't log in. Don't check your "stream." Delete your apps on your phones and tablets to minimize temptation. Maybe even change your password and allow a trusted friend to be the only one that knows the new one. Once the 48 hour shakes subside (I suggest hard candy and a wool blanket) you will find, on day 31, that when you log in you just do. not. care. It all seems absurd.

If you can't "quit" - at least cut the crap.

You do NOT "like" every picture ever taken of that friend's 3 year old. You do NOT "like" that your friend's father has terminal cancer but the family is pulling together. You do NOT "like" those vapid e-cards with vintage drawings saying profane things from otherwise gingerly ladies. And you certainly do not "LIKE" every brand in your pantry, medicine chest, closet, and digestive tract.

Please. Just 30 days. TRY to be more genuine and sincere in your interactions.

In the meantime - pick up the phone. Call someone. Send a text or an e-mail at worse. Even better - see if someone wants to go grab coffee and bring their phone full of pictures with them to go through together. Maybe have them bring that 3 year old over so you can properly love on parent and child.

WORST case - and if you do NOTHING else - cut the crap with the birthday wish deluges. IF you don't care enough to pick up the phone and call someone (like I will call my friend Carrie Clancy later today) or - even better - write and mail them an actual card - at LEAST show them the decency to not just put throw-away blather on their Facebook wall for all the world to "like."