11/20/12

Forget the Twinkies . . .

What are we doing whining about Hostess/Wonder having issues? I get that jobs will be lost, grocery store shelves altered, American icons gone, etc. and I understand that this story, at its core, is about companies and unions that have worked together - with relatively little true cooperation vs. demanding - do not survive forever but people seem to be very, very upset about the passing of not even the entire Hostess family but the friggin' Twinkie. The TWINKIE? REALLY? That is the worst dude on the roster and trust me, the formerly sugar-driven Sean Amore knows for snack cakes. Twinkies suck it. Hard.

Let's just focus on a REAL American classic. A company we can all feel better about (until we realize how screwed a family, privately owned company will probably be in future years/generations). There may be pain ahead but, for now, Viva la Little Debbie!

That's right. I said it. FAR superior snack aisle end cap of horrible goodness to be had.

  • You ever eat a frozen SWISS (formerly CAKE) ROLL?
  • Ever eat an entire box of Star Crunch while stoned out of your mind?
  • When is the last time you took two Oatmeal Creme (no "cream" to be found, thankfully) Pies and carefully peeled off one of the cookies from each to make one SUPER creme pie from the frosted remnants?
  • Can you even imagine a Christmas without a Cherry Cordial
  • Can a kid even move on to the 1st grade without regular Nutty Bar consumption (and if your kid has peanut allergies, that's on YOU)?
  • Did you know Strawberry Shortcake Rolls can actually change the lunar calendar if consumed in enough quantity?
  • When you learned about the birds and the bees did you clearly hear the part where sharing Fudge Rounds actually count as second base in some cultures (silly New Jersey!)? 
  • You probably feel silly making your OWN Rice Krispie treats when THESE are on the shelves, right?
  • Did you know people actually allow the Pecan Spinwheel to pass for BREAKFAST? 

Look, I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the Ding Dong, Ho-Ho, Orange Cup Cake, or the amazing, amazing "Fruit Pie" (quote used for obvious intent) once upon a time but I WILL say that until Little Debbie gives up the ghost, we are NOT in a snack cake crisis in this country. We're simply not.